My English teacher in college taught me (more than) one lesson I'll never forget...
He said that too often when we write, we are taught to go back and re-read every sentence after we write it. Then we look over every written word, grammar usage, grammatical errors, and eventually we find our selves proof reading those one to two sentences to the point where we've lost our voice. What we really felt like writing, or saying, is now long gone, because we over thought it, and worried to much about the 'past', and didn't just follow our thoughts, hearts and mind.
Just write, he would tell us.
"I don't care how many grammatical errors you have. Don't stop. Just write."
I've never forgotten that professor, except maybe his name...I blame the pregnancies. I remember each time I sat in that tiny classroom in the middle of Idaho, feeling as if the words and thoughts I wanted to express were valuable. And all the rules and guidelines I had learned about writing were somehow, not the main focus any more...
After taking that class, I remember looking at writing differently. Not seeing it as a dreaded horrible 'project' that was due by 9:30 the next morning...But an opportunity to express the things that I had been feeling, or had experienced. To somehow share the emotions that had come along side every learned experience.
And now, again, I look at that lesson even more differently.
I don't think my professor "so and so" had meant for his lesson to be taken this way, but I have a feeling he would have understood and agreed.
The past 5-6 years of my life have been one hell of a ride. I've had ups, downs, nauseating scared shitless moments, and so happy I can barely stand it experiences. Sometimes I wake up and wonder what is going to happen next, and I'm not going to lie...It freaks me out. It's scary to just start living and enjoying, when I want to go back and make sure every.little.thing is perfect.
How can I move forward when there are so many other things that I could work on to make life...Perfect?
I don't know if the world was always this way, but it seems more than ever there are so many rules, guidelines, and 'proper grammar' things that need to be followed in order to make things be...A+.
But what's the definition of having an A+ life? I'm not saying "Screw the Rules!", drive 150 on the freeway...No No. But what I think I'm trying to say is...
Don't go back and forth, over and under every nook and corner to make sure life is perfect. Don't 'read between the lines' and dot all the I's and cross all the T's. Just write.
Messes will happen, clothes will be dirty, chocolate will be eaten, food will be spilled, and houses will be small and dirty. Don't obsess over it. Just live.
Move forward. Show love. Express happiness. Live in the moment. AND EAT CHOCOLATE.
Maybe then, life won't be a'Project' that's due when you wake up Monday morning, but an opportunity to show love and gratitude, feel happiness...and peace.
Tonight as I rocked my one year old to sleep, I started to sing to her this song that my oldest daughter learned at church. After the first verse, Sweet Pea looked up at my and began to sing through her passy that was resting in her mouth. Her sweet little voice sang these words:
"My Life Is A Gift.
My Life Has A Plan.
My Life Has A Purpose, In Heaven It Began...."
Live this life that is a Gift, and give it Purpose...
Thank You Professor, for you have taught me more valuable lessons in my life than I could ever repay you for...
Just Write. Just Live.