Cherry Chocolate Milkshake

Dear Calories,

I used to fear you.

I used to cry when I found out your amount on my favorite chocolate cake.

I used to check you often, like a jealous girlfriend...And everytime, you seemed to disappoint. I knew you could never be trusted.

Calories. Your shady. You pretend to be something you're not.

You say you're so little, but then I check with your friends sugar and fat, and well, they've made up for your "little" size alright, and hiding what "half" the calories really means.

So decietful.

You jerk.

Oh Calories.

Just when I think you are doing my body good..

You are really doing it OH.SO.WRONG.

You say that the smaller the size you are the better for me, when in reality, your a lying backstabbing no good sun of a biscuit.

No nutrition, just pure sugar, and bad fats, and lard.

Oh wait, but your only 120 calories..

Then I guess it's worth it right?

Is it worth checking every box, calculating every number, crying over nothing to eat on the menu besides a dressing-less salad?

Is it worth the limits, and the nasty food, and the small bags of packaged oreos.

BUT it's ONLY 100 Calories!

Oh calories...

I want you to know I am leaving you. I find it pointless to check you and watch you like a hawk. You drive me crazy, and I don't know why I would do that to my self.

I will no longer eat something because of your size, but I will eat food based of it's nutrition, and it's benefits for my body. And don't try and convince me that it's healthy for me to eat a certain amount of calories per meal, and that a 300 calorie frozen meal is good for me.

Because it's NOT.

You see, I am sorry calories, but a 300 calorie frozen meal will not satisfy. I will be starving 20 minutes later, thus consuming more of you. I won't be getting the nutrition that I need when I am depriving myself from healthy fats, good carbs, and much needed protein.

I know that I don't want to count on you the rest of my life. Because I hate diets. I am all for a lifestyle.

And I am sick and tired of asking for the nutritional information at a restaurant.

I'm not stupid.

I know what is in macaroni and cheese, and I most definitely know what is in that chocolate cake.

pure deliciousness :)

I know that if I eat a salad with a nuts or avocado, tons of veggies, and fresh dressing, that I am most likely consuming more calories than a piece of rice cake topped with a tomato.

But instead of 100 calories, I'll get the fats, proteins, carbs, & nutrients that my body needs.

So calories,

We are no longer dating in a very unhealthy relationship.

We are now friends.

Best friends.

Even though I think you are a rotten dirty tramp sometimes.

You see calories, I am no longer afraid of your numbers. I know who you are and I know all about you. I know your secrets and I know how you trick.

And I will no longer count you because, well, I hate math.

You will no longer be my Chris Brown, and I will no longer be your Rhianna. You can't beat me up, and bring me down.

From now on I don't want to know anything about you. I respect who you are, and I'll leave it at that.

Good bye

Farewell

Peace out.

Cherry Chocolate Milk Shake

(serves 2....or 1 ;] )

Ingredients:

2 fudge schmalls(recipe below)

1 frozen banana

1 cup frozen cherries

6 cubes frozen coconut milk

1/4-1/2 cup coconut milk (or other non dairy creamy milk-help/soy vanilla)

Directions:

Blend in a blender until creamy. Add extra cherries and sprinkle with cocoa-nibs.

Enjoy!

Fudge Balls

(Adapted from ChocolateCoveredKatie!)

Ingredients:

1/2 cup pecans

1/2 cup walnuts

1 1/3 cup pitted dates

1 tsp. vanilla

4 TB cocoa powder

Directions:

Blend all ingredients in food processor until combined and somewhat crumbly/moist.

Form into schmalls and store in fridge/freezer.

S'mores Protein Balls and A Healthy S'mores Milkshake

I started a Twitter account! I am not sure how to set the icon on my page yet, but if you want to follow me, you can go HERE.

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I hate camping.

And I know your thinking that it's probably because I am a pretty pretty princess that doesn't like to get dirt underneath my nails.

So true.

But I also have been traumatized, thus the main reason why you won't find me in the woods, pitchin' a tent, eatin' beef jerky..

You see when I was of the ages 12-18 my mother so kindly forced me to attend church girls camp. Now, let me say, before I had ever attended, at the age of 12, I was BEYOND excited to go. I loved the idea of hanging out with my gal pals for a week, talking boys, hiking, and playing games.

Truth be told, I don't think I really knew what camping really was.

You see, there were no "tents" my first year of girls camp. No "mattresses," not even ones full with air. There were no showers, or toilets that involved flushing, and there definitely wasn't running water to wash our faces or brush our teeth.

(Water bottles are very versatile my friends.)

Frostbite was in the corner of my mind as I tried to fall asleep everynight, but that didn't seem to bother me as much as the bats that came screaming into our tent through out the night, probably chasing the mice that ran across our floor. Do bats eat mice? I dunno, but I am pretty sure they like moths. Moths the size of Baby Boo's head.

And just because I am deathly afraid of creepy crawlers, and flying freak shows, doesn't mean I forgot about the wardrobe. Each group was given a color to go along with, and some how my group always got stuck with the colors of pee pee & poo poo, while other girls who were sans acne and beautiful even though they hadn't showered in days, got lucky enough to wear the pinks, and greens. I guess it didn't bother me too much that I was blending in with dirt and bear droppings, because I was just so grateful boys weren't allowed at camp.

But I don't think that frostbite, dirty faces, and poop were all that bad, until I had my first camp breakfast "meal." Eggs and red jello definitely don't sit right when you have to complete your first 5 mile hike an hour later. Trust me folks, even a continental breakfast from the Holiday Inn with packaged muffins, and fake eggs would have tasted ALOT better. But I seemed to even let THAT pass, as I thought about campfire Smore's.

Smore's are my favorite. I didn't care how many horrible camp songs I had to sit through, as long as I was eating a burnt marshmallow off a wire hanger, keep on singing "NOAH HE BUILT AN ARKY ARKY" in my ear, because I am at peace with my smore's.

And some how, I think, If they would have just had more SmoRe'S...

I probably wouldn't be as traumatized.

Smore Schmalls

Ingredients:

3/4 cup cashews

2 grahm crackers (minus high fructose corn syrup)

5 chopped dates

1 1/2 tsp. vanilla

1/3-1/2 cup marshmallows

2 heaping TB chocolate chips

Directions:

1. Using a food processor, process cashews till fine crumbs. Then add crackers until fine crumbs.

2. Next process dates into mixture, until dates become finely chopped. Then add vanilla and marshmallows. Process until mixture becomes somewhat "wet" and thicker crumbles appear. Then process chocolate chips until they seem to have been chopped up.

Mixture should look like so when done:

You want it chunky and crumbly, but when you mush mixture together, it will stick.

4. Form into schmalls and store in freezer.

My husband and I have been munching on these all weekend. They are such a sweet treat/craving cures.

Somehow, I think that 5 miler hike would have been much easier with these schmalls in my faney pack.

Yes, that's right...A faney pack and a bear droppings color shirt.

Ok, so I didn't stop with these schmalls.

Schmalls are very versatile.

You see, life wouldn't be complete with out a Green Drink...

Smores Green Drink

Ingredients:

1 1/4 cup non dairy milk (something creamy like soy, coconut, or hemp)

1 1/2 cups spinach

1 frozen banana

1 1/2 smore schmalls

ice

Directions:

1. Blend all together in a blender until smooth and creamy.

Somehow I strongly believe this would be a MUCH better breakfast selection than eggs and red jello.

Although if it was green jello....

Scratch that.

Ok, so I didn't stop there...

No..NO...NO...

I wanted to go further than I have ever gone before.

Let me introduce you to one of my favorite foods on earth...

Smores Milk Shake

Ingredients:

2 frozen bananas

4-5 coconut milk ice cubes

2 large smore schmalls

splash of coconut milk

1/2 tsp. vanilla (optional)

Directions:

1. In a high powered blender or food processor, blend bananas until creamy, then add coconut ice cubs, and process until creamy, like so:

2. Then add in schmalls and process until combined.

3. Pour in a glass and slurp away into dream land...

I love these because they are SOO easy to make! ONLY 3 ingredients!

What are those cups you ask?

It's frozen coconut milk of coarse! It's what you use when you don't own ice cube trays.

I know I know..

I learned it at girls camp.

Now, these probably won't taste like your regular milk shake at Wendy's, but your doing body a HUGE favor by slurping one of these bad boys. These have healthy fats, minimal sugar, and tons of nutrients!

If only I would have come up with this when I was prego and craving a milk shake every 3-4 hours. I probably wouldn't still be trying to loose a few.

Now, I know your thinking that I would probably never even consider sending Baby Boo to girls camp for fear of torment or poop colored shirts, but as I was photographing this milkshake in the rain this morning, I thought about all the good memories I have and the important lessons I learned.

And then as the sun began to shine through I realized that girls camp had nearly taught me the most valuable lesson of them all. Valuable enough that I think my own daughter should benefit from it as well..

Marry someone who hates camping just as much as you.